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Me: - Do we take action?

Mom: What action should we take?

Me: I’m calling you because I’m doing a uni project where I’m gathering information about what happened to me in that toilet when I was a teenager. But I don’t remember many things.

Dad: Dam! I don't know anything about that.

Me: Well you don't even know what I'm asking for.

Mom: I think it's a bit what you said, as you wanted to erase his face, we also wanted to feel nothing happened... we erased it

Dad: I didn't remember anything...

Mom: We didn't want to think about it too much, you wanna get the things that are unpleasant out of your head

Why did my memory decide to delete the man's face immediately after the assault happened?
Why only that? Can this be considered a self-defence mechanism?

What happened exactly? What do I remember? What did I tell the police?
What have I discovered after the research that I didn't remember or knew?

Why do I have this urge to remember? How can this help me?
How much should we force ourselves to try to remember sexual assault?

Why did my parents decide to ignore what happened? Why they didn't worry about me and talked with me about it? Why didn't I received any psychological help?
Why did the police take me home in the back of an armoured car as If I was I the criminal?
Why didn't they tell my parents to pick me up?

How did I manage to survive during the assault and after that? Why I never thought I could have needed help?
Why has it been 18 years of silence? Why no one talked to me about that anymore? Why did anyone ask me how I was?
How old was I? 13? How can the system consider that you can overcome sexual assault on your own at that age?

I remember it was night and there were not many people on the terrace of the room.

I remember perfectly well that he was wearing a belt, or that his pants had buttons.
I remember finishing peeing and that I had already put on my pants and was tying a button or belt when someone opened the door and went into my bathroom.